this blog http://www.natalienortonphoto.com/ Monica showed me and I have been following. She recently lost her 8 week old son. She is strong and such an amazing writer and always makes me ponder and feel better about life. Like this that she wrote.
For those who know
Sometimes this sickening feeling comes. . .
and I want to hide.
but you can't hide from real.
well, never for long enough. . .
The feeling is blank.
thick.
deep.
empty.
How can a heart be
both numb and raw in the same breath?
again,
I want to hide.
To curl up into a ball, close my eyes,
and wake up in a "different real."
anything.but.this.
and the kids are screaming.
all.the.time.
fighting the same battle as me,
but without the bearings that only arise
from age and unwanted experience.
I ache for us all.
Then a day will come and go.
and I'll think,
"We're adjusting well to this new world, this new normal."
Until a day comes and goes where we aren't.
adjusting well.
no, not at all.
. . .
I am never ashamed of how I feel.
the good.
the bad.
the terrifying.
it is all a part of the path.
This path, that though unmarked,
has been well traveled.
I hear the whisperings of those who know
all around me.
Guiding me on.
Reminding me that I do not walk this path alone.
We walk together.
And he who descended below all
is our guide.
In Him I place my hand,
and my heart.
"in him will I trust:
he is my shield,
and the horn of my salvation,
my high tower,
and my refuge,
my savior."
2 Samuel 22:3
he is my shield,
and the horn of my salvation,
my high tower,
and my refuge,
my savior."
2 Samuel 22:3
4 comments:
Interesting that the scripture quote is from Samuel. Very touching.
Thanks for making me cry my eyes out at work. I just read every post from her blog. My heart broke.
I just read through her journey. What a very strong Mother! As I thought about my "struggles", I've realized just how minimal they are. She made me realize how lucky I am. Thank you for sharing her blog. I don't think I've cried that hard in a long time! Love ya chica!
Wow. I just read through blog while I was feeding Kaleigh and I had to stop and just stare at Kaleigh until she was done because I'm so blessed that she's here. And healthy. She was born only one week before Natalie's son. Last week I read through a blog about a two year old girl who choked on a piece of apple and didn't make it. She was only a month older than Lily. I keep asking Jeff "how can these things be prevented?!" I guess they can't. But thanks for the reminder to love my kids as much as I possibly can right now. In this moment.
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